Elspeth’s* Domestic Violence Story

It happened over 14 years ago and I still can’t find it in me to move on with my life. I did not leave my home but I had the man that broke my knee and sodomized me arrested.

At first I felt really strong and fearless, I even went back to school and got my GED at the age of 43, I then went on to college. Getting into college and doing so well in college really did boost my self esteem so much but, I was alone, my family did not care or ever give me any type of boost and in fact my mother told me that going to college meant nothing.

After a few years in college I found my very first job as a teacher. I was so excited for myself and was so proud but again having been in a controlling and violent relationship for so long just took all my confidence away.

I ended up working with a teacher who was a bully and kept picki ng on me telling me that I needed to be more assertive, every day she would just find a reason to yell at me. After working for three years and almost getting my permanent teaching position this teacher lost her cool and began pushing a 10 year old boy. When I saw that I just blanked out and was shaking because the teacher kept yelling at the boy telling him that nobody would help him. That day when I came home I remember being so scared almost as if she had pushed and hit me, I just could not stop shaking. I knew that I had to report this incident because I was a mandated reporter but I was so scared of retaliation by this teacher and so I did report her anonymously but somehow the principal, assistant principal, and the teacher found out that it was me who reported the incident and they covered it all up and I ended up getting fired. No more career for me or possibility of one. They put me on a list of ineligible employees for supposed employee misconduct.

It has been 6 y ears since I was fired and I swear it feels like I was abused all over again because I can’t find a job, I am almost 57 years old now and the feeling of eternal sadness just overwhelms me. I have 6 beautiful grandsons and I can’t even find it in me to be really and truly happy around them because I really have nothing but sadness in my heart.

I definitely have not been in a relationship since I had that monster arrested because I am also fearful of men and relationships. I just can’t seem to move forward and sometimes wonder why I am even alive. I want to work and be productive but nobody will hire me, nobody wants me. Now I am not getting any younger and what am I to do. I have two college degrees and nothing to do with them. The sadness just never ends for me.

Elspeth*
July 2014

*Names have been changed to protect identities