Eliza*’s Domestic Violence Story

Hi, let’s say my name is Eliza*, I am 31 years old and have five kids.

I was in a abusive relationship for 15 years. My story is a long and hard one. But here I go.

Well I had a traumatic childhood. My mother was suffering from many of her own demons and drank a lot. She would verbally and fiscally abuse me at times which left me feeling unloved. I had known let’s call him Tony* all my life pretty much as my Mum and his Mum were friends from high school. We started our relationship in 1998. We were young and silly and trying to fill gaps in our lives with each other.

I loved Tony I thought and he think he thought he loved me. I quit school and moved out of my Mum’s to be with him, and also to get away from my mother. We lived together in a shed in his Mum’s back yard were we smoked pot for most of the day.

Tony was always jealous other guys I had been with…and I had a jealous strike too so we would fight often about very silly things.

One night we were fighting and we ended up in a park close to were we lived. I can’t remember much but he had me on the ground, hand around my neck saying no one would know how you got here if they found you dead. Remember thinking ( oh God he will kill me )

Fast-forward and we moved out of his Mum’s to live at my Mum’s place where he sexually abused me for the first time. He made me give him oral sex and his stuff went all over my face. It was very humiliating and made me feel worthless. It was at this time I started wearing boys cloths and hat. If I saw a guy I would not put my head up at all no eye contact whatsoever. As long as it did not start a fight I did not care at the time…

We moved out of my Mum’s and into a share house with other guys and girls. Not good for me. If he went out he would lock me in the room. I was 4 months pregnant at the time. He would hit me and also sexually abuse me in the shower. You remember we were talking about the birth of our baby and he told me that he wanted me to have a C-section because he could not tell if I had been cheating if I didn’t. I told him I was scared of this and he hit me so hard my mouth was bleeding.

I did not think of leaving him at all at this time. I had never been treated any different in my life so I guess I thought it was normal.

We ended up getting a house of our own. The first night we were there I was about 8 months pregnant when he went to go to the shop and forgot his money. He burst in the door and kicked me. I had done nothing wrong but I copped it any way. Fast-forward many years of drinking, scars on my head, bottles of alcohol bring smashed over my head and so on…the full story is too long to tell.

Now I will jump forward to four more kids never once having a job in all that time. Living in a two-bedroom house with five kids ages from 11 to 1 1/2. We both started taking speed tablets in late 2013. At first it was great. We were on high of happiness and motivation witch seemed to be better than the drink, but than the lack of sleep and overdosing finally catches up with us and he started taking pictures and saying that he could see things that were not there. The children and I would just agree because if we did not there would be hell to pay…

It got worse. He was watching YouTube paranormal videos non-stop and then it started get even worse for us. My eldest girl were than accused of being in the photos he was taking with men that were not there doing sexual things to them. I was getting beaten regularly and questioned about his crazy pics that were not even true. This lasted about 3weeks. I still couldn’t leave. My 12 year old and I made a plan that she would call the cops when she went to school. I chickened out two times and then I told her one morning to do it. She did. Cops showed up at the door but even than I told them everything was fine, but they came back and arrested him. They walked through my house which was a terrible mess and docs came. They put my kids in a car and drove away while they talked to me. I did not realise it at the time but if I did not say I wanted out they would have taken all I had, my kids…but I am happy to say that I had the support of the police and docs thank God.

We left Bathurst and stayed in a refuge. We have our own house now thanks to Housing NSW and are slowly but surely building our lives.. To any one who reads this, I hope it helps. It may be hard to leave but trust me it’s harder to stay with someone like that. Good luck to you all with all my love to you.

Eliza*
April 2015