Nikita’s* Domestic Violence Story

I met this guy at an Australia Day friend’s party and my first impression of him was a very strong confident man and I fell for him straight away. We talked for a while and within an hour he had my number and secured the first date. I was apprehensive as it had moved way to fast but I thought I’ll get to know him and see what happens.

Within a week of meeting him it was my 21st birthday and everyone had been invited for a pub crawl. Within an hour I had a bit too much to drink and that’s when he made his move. He said why would you hang out with other people when I had him? In my head alarm bells where going off but I kept making excuses. I couldn’t believe that this perfect guy had said this. After a few hours he said he wanted to go so I was about to say goodbye to him as he said “you’re coming with me.” As soon as I said no point blank his eyes changed, they seemed darker and harsh; all the warmth was gone. He looked around and probably thought there were too many witnesses so he just looked at me like had betrayed him and walked away without saying anything.

When I woke up the next day I felt so guilty after that I tried so hard to please him but nothing ever worked. I decided to invite him to a mate’s house for DVDs night. When he arrived he was so quiet and didn’t speak to anyone. He clung to me so much it started to get uncomfortable. I couldn’t even go to the toilet without him asking where I was going. I reluctantly went on more dates with him; I suppose in part because I was in denial about him and about how I felt about him.

He liked to control the situation right down to what I was wearing. He called me to ask what id be wearing that evening and if he didn’t like it he would refuse to go out. He liked to talk about his work a lot (26 year old med student and part time nurse) but any time I said or tried to contribute to that part of his life he would call me stupid and say I didn’t know anything about medical procedures. It really hurt that he would say that to me and any time I said “why did you say that, have I upset you?” he would dismiss it and say I’m overreacting.

I dated him for 3 months but it felt so much longer. When it came to dumping him I was scared about how he would react so I phoned him and told him why. There was silence for a minute and then he started to cry uncontrollably. I then started crying and said it was over and he had to accept it. I was about to hang up when he started calling me names, said I was a slut for wanting to break up. When I hung up I couldn’t stop crying – I thought that would be the end of it but for weeks after he was texting me, emailing and saying he was disappointed I had become such a slut and he could help change me! That was the final straw and I sent him a message saying if you ever contact me again I would put out a restraining order against him and thank goodness that was the end of him. Even though it still hurts that he did all that to me I think it happened for a reason and I am a stronger person for it. I am lucky as I saw the signs in time to get out.

Nikita
June 2008

*Names have been changed to protect identities.